


shouldn't ask for your name

by starfleetbanana



Category: All For the Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Character Study, Childhood, M/M, mentions of rape/non con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-29
Updated: 2016-10-29
Packaged: 2018-08-27 15:10:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8406448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starfleetbanana/pseuds/starfleetbanana
Summary: Andrew doesn’t have a name, he’s never had one and it doesn’t matter really. He’s in the system so he answers to people’s calls anyway. He barely gets the concept of names so it’s not important unless other kids want to play with him, or his caretakers need something.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what this is? I wanted to explore a bit of Andrew's childhood honestly, but this is a lot like a character study of both of them, woops. A mess, in other words, a mess made out of love. Some things were taken from Nora's blog.

Andrew doesn’t have a name, he’s never had one and it doesn’t matter really. He’s in the system so he answers to people’s calls anyway. He barely gets the concept of names so it’s not important unless other kids want to play with him, or his caretakers need something.

He’s got a schedule memorised, which should be weird for a three year old but he can remember so many things he knows how much time he’s left to play even though he can’t read a clock.

His caretakers worry because he’s too observant and not talkative enough, but he’s so amazed by the world, by colours and words and having fun that he can’t afford to waste time on explaining everything to weird adults. Besides, he never makes new friends or discovers interesting things to talk about. There’s a Jane, and a boy with curly dark hair named Noah he plays with all the time, and that’s it.

By the time Andre can talk properly he’s got all sorts of surnames and none of them fit because the kids are mean and laugh at him because he’s too short. He doesn’t think he’s _that_ short but he eats all of his food when the white haired lady says he’s got to so he’ll get taller.

Nathaniel is a sweet blue eyed bright boy everybody likes, but no one loves. His mother tells him he’s got to behave in order to be liked so he’s learnt to lie and smile even when he’s afraid.

He’s always been afraid of his father and he hides behind his mother who tells him to stop being such a coward and to face Nathan. Nathaniel doesn’t know why they never let him play and always seem to want to teach him weird things.

He sees sharp and dangerous things but he isn’t allowed to touch them, not yet, because his sloppiness could be a serious issue for the family business, Aunt Lola says.

Nathaniel looks a lot like his dad and he thinks maybe that’s why he doesn’t like him very much, maybe that’s why he hurts him and his mum sometimes.

He doesn’t like him either so it doesn’t really matter, his job’s weird and he’s no fun, though neither is his mum, but his father’s too stoic. He says he can’t stand Nathaniel’s tiny cheerful voice. He says he can’t go down to the basement but Nathaniel really wants to do it because he’s always been so curious.

The Butcher isn’t sloppy and he doesn’t let people live for much once he’s caught them, but Nathaniel sees the guy. Aunt Lola gets him out of the basement in a matter of seconds with a scowl and angry words but he can still hear someone screaming and he wants to help.

“Why don’t you go watch some TV, kiddo?” She suggests and Nathaniel just shrugs.

A couple of hours later Nathan presses a sharp knife into his upper arm and tells him to stay out of the basement. Nathaniel doesn’t cry when Mary patches him up later, he’s used to it.

* * *

 

The first time someone crawls into Andrew’s bed is in his second foster home. The first wasn’t good but this one’s worse. He thinks the rest of the kids are assholes and though he doesn’t want to remember their name, he does.

It’s one of those families that had fostered a lot of kids already so he doesn’t waste time thinking he’ll stay there for too long.

The kids don’t listen to him when he rambles about his former caretakers, his favourite food, or his old collection of marbles. They don’t laugh at his clever jokes because they’re older and they say he’s stupid and no fun to be around.

He wants to forget his name is Jesse, he wants to forget how much it hurts and how intense his eyes are. He wants to scream but he can’t because Jesse’s hand is around his neck and he chokes on a sob and a tiny “please” because he doesn’t understand what’s going on but it’s so painful he wants it to stop. Jesse only tells him to keep his pretty mouth shut so he won’t wake the other kids up.

Andrew cries and throws the bloody sheets in the trash, and when Jesse comes back the next week he decides he’ll never talk about his caretakers anymore.

His next foster home is better and though he doesn’t trust older kids he makes a friend there. The older kid’s named Samuel. Andrew doesn’t talk much to him because he already knows something could go wrong if he lets too much out. He makes sure to use only a limited amount of words with his foster parents who seem to care about him, but he doesn’t believe in kindness anymore. Nevertheless, Samuel finds something in him that screams ‘prey’ and so he does everything he can to make himself look tougher, and he doesn’t cry when Samuel rapes him and whispers ‘ _you fucking like this, you stupid fucking whore, I know you wanted this’._

He fights back but he doesn’t know how to throw a proper punch so he kicks and elbows him until Samuel’s done and leaves him breathless and full of rage and pain. He knows it won’t be over that easily, but he doesn’t expect him to come find him the next night.

He’s just a kid but he finds a tiny pocket knife and instead of using it to defend himself, he cuts for the first time. It stings a bit and he doesn’t bleed too much, but it’s there, it’s something he chose to do to himself and so it bears more meaning than anything else in his life. He stops caring and stops trying altogether.

He’s only a boy when he learns he’s ruined and there’s nothing he can do to fix himself. It’s his fault- there’s always been something wrong about him, ever since he was a baby. Maybe that’s exactly why his parents left him. He doesn’t know how to cry or scream for help anymore and then it’s supposed to be over but the little kid knows it’s not.

Steven’s all kind words and reassuring touches when he’s with Hellen, his wife, but Andrew sees quickly through his feigned worry. Before he’s even had a chance to have a name Steven walks into his room at three in the morning and Andrew doesn’t even try to sleep anymore because he knows there’ll be someone waiting for him to be vulnerable so it’ll be easier to hurt him. It’s never easy to hurt him.

Steven makes him plead and beg for him to stop and Andrew keeps his mouth shut the whole time, but he’s relentless and so strong Andrew hurts for an entire week.

By the time he meets Cass he’s already twelve and he doesn’t know what to do with the love she offers him. He’s never had a mother but she feels incredibly close to one. She gives him a name, she calls him AJ, she gives him a future and a home and Andrew dares to believe that, because he’s wanted it for _so long_ he decides he’ll ignore his foster brother’s stare on him and his insistent hands and playful laughter when he tickles him.

He can’t ignore the familiar and frightening weight on his bed though, the one Cass bought solely for him, because maybe this time he’s got it all and anyway, he’s used to it, he’ll survive as long as Cass doesn’t see under his armbands, as long as he doesn’t make a noise.

But then things get messy and Andrew’s at Juvie, but at least people know his name is Andrew Joseph and that’s enough, that’s enough. Cass still loves him, she stills wants to adopt him and he gets through it only motivated by the possibility of having a real family, a real life because Drake will leave and it’ll be fine, except it won’t.

Pig Higgins’ the only person who thinks he can fix him and dear fuck, Andrew doesn’t think he needs to be fixed with Exy and counselling but he lets him try just so he’ll get frustrated. It’s fun to see the rest of the world lose their minds too. But then Tilda comes along, and he’s got a brother, an actual twin he’s got to protect and he hates the both of them.

He doesn’t need any “real family” because he already has one and it’s not fair because they fucking left him. He’s got a choice this time, but before he thinks of himself and Cass’ perfect little world, he figures out Aaron Michael Minyard needs to be safe from Tilda.

It’s complicated because Aaron’s trying too hard to make up for his absence in his life and he cares too much, and though he’ll never say the words out loud he’s so fucking glad it’s easy to get rid of Tilda, who doesn’t even know how to differentiate between her sons. As long as he’s got someone to hit, she doesn’t care if it’s Andrew or Aaron.

Nathaniel’s at Castle Evermore playing with Kevin and Riko and a little kid who’s got an accent, whose name he isn’t told and who Riko calls ‘pet’. He’s at Castle Evermore when his mother tells him to shut up and run.

It’s years and years on the run. He learns to fight, he learns to drive and to swim with his mother’s threat.

His name’s Peter when he’s thirteen and he’s not quite sure he can get it right but his mother makes sure he does with threats. He understands she’s as desperate as he is to escape, though he isn’t sure why, but some time along the way he gets it.

His name’s Thomas when he’s supposed to be German but it’s hard to understand people sometimes so he doesn’t have long conversations with anyone. It’s easier in France, when his name’s Michel and no one really sees him. By the time he’s sixteen he knows exactly how to be invisible.

Yet, somehow the Palmetto foxes notice him and he’s afraid he’ll have to be someone again. He’s scared he’s gonna need to have a proper conversation with his teammates, that he’s gonna have to listen to people’s secrets and he wants to run away again. Except he wants to stay, for once in his life.

But he learns he never has to be afraid when the foxes are by his side, when Andrew is by his side, because Andrew Minyard doesn’t make him tell him the most insignificant details of his life, he doesn’t to use more words than absolutely necessary in a foreign languages unless he wants to, and Andrew doesn’t make him leave like his mother always did.

Andrew gives and gives and only asks for honesty and still hands and _Neil Josten._ Neil, he’s allowed to give and take as much as he wants for the first time in his life, the keys, the trust and the kisses included.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed whatever this was, I tried to do something with the ideas I had but who am I kidding, I'm all over the place with these two, in a great way though. Comments and kudos are immensely appreciated, and honestly get me to talk about Andrew's childhood as much as you want at minycrdjcsten on tumblr.


End file.
